“It’s my party I can cry if I want to”

So it’s my birthday today! I am 21 again. Just kidding (add ten to that and you’ll get my age) Ssh!!!

Any who, so you read the title and you may be like what is she talking about? Well I’m going to be completely honest here. I’m not excited about my birthday! I have a few issues going on in my life and trying to “cast my cares” on the Highest. Yet something is stopping me.

If you have read my other posts you know my life has been a little rough. I dealt with abuse, trauma, and systematic racism and poverty for a lot of my life. People close to me say that “I am too sensitive”.
I cry often. I’m angry more than happy and I have no trigger.

At least not a current one. So like the song lyrics say “it’s my party I can cry if I want to.” I want joy yet the things that bring me joy I cannot do or afford to visit.

As a youth I was diagnosed with PTSD and Manic Depressive Disorder also know as Bi-polar Depression. I had massive panic attacks, manic episodes and often thought about suicide. I was too chicken to try anything but the thoughts were there.

Over time I prayed and sought out help. I tried medicines and homeopathic remedy’s. If I’m honest nothing much has changed. I’m no longer having the attacks but the saddens and overpowering emotions are there.

I am sharing this with you to let you know that it’s okay to not be fine. Or not have it altogether. You are worthy of love and respect and matter much! Your impact on the world may not be seen but trust me you make it better!

I am singing “Happy birthday”to myself and I’m wiping away my tears.
I hope you are encouraged by these words!

Blessings to you!