Who am I?

  As a teenager and in my earlier twenties I struggled with my identity. My parents died before my sixteenth birthday and my family treated me as the “black sheep”. I didn’t have many friends but I always had a boyfriend.
  My self-esteem was determined by how he treated me. I tried to pursue performing arts dreams but after becoming pregnant before my seventeenth birthday all that was put on hold. I was pressured to have an abortion by my older boyfriend and family. My parents raised me Christian so I was against it. But because M called me almost every night crying and saying how he was not ready to be a father I eventually gave in. After the worst day of my life everything else started going south.
  I became overwhelmed in school. I feared I’d fail since I missed so much time after being hospitalized for post partum depression and insomnia. By my senior year my friends thought I was on speed. I was not mind you but I guess my body was in autopilot while I was sleepwalking through the semester. I didn’t fail I graduated in the top 20% of my class but I graduated from home. Once again I was hospitalized for anxiety.
  Time passed and I was 20. I said to God “I need more from my life. I want you.” So I became serious about my relationship with God. I was chaste for nine months then became pregnant with my first son. People in the church were amazed at my turn around but at my pregnancy it was like I was the woman caught in adultery and everyone had stones ready. I just trusted God and gave birth to Immanuel. A few years later Asher, a few after that Micah and now waiting on Luke’s arrival. 
  I thought I would be rescued by a prince by now. I just was looking at the wrong prince. The Prince of Peace was there all along. He endured with me all the abuse and shame. He even loved me when I didn’t love myself. While I took on the labels the world gave me He called me beautiful and worthy. God told me that my true identity was in Him and as I follow Him I’d meet the real me. So to anyone who may be asking “who am I?” Like I did, I suggest laying your head on your Father’s chest and letting His love overtake you and reveal to you who you truly are.
Be blessed


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